The Pub

"Let's go to the Pub." These words are almost invariably music to my ears (unless I have a hangover) but why should this be the case? Why do I and so many others like me love the pub?

Well believe it or not, the consumption of alcohol is fairly far down the list. Yes it's nice to sit with a pint and go to an establishment with a range of real ales offering opportunities to try pints that I would otherwise never have but there's so much more to it than that. The pub is one place of seemingly infinite plasticity of usage. By that I mean, for almost any occasion the pub will do: quiet night with a couple of friends, raucous piss up, celebration, commiseration, dates, neutral meeting ground even a place to be alone. In all of these scenarios the pub is the ideal place to be.

At this point I should be clear. When I say pub, I do mean pub; not bars. They're a different kettle of fish. A pub is somewhere that has quiet, if any, ambient music, comfy seats, some games behind the bar, is dog friendly and has no cocktail menu. The choice of wine will extend not much further than red or white and it's unlikely you will be getting any obscure vodkas to have with your orange juice. Cardboard beermats will be on the tables (who's only known use is to build houses of cards with since they disintegrate when wet) and it will be staffed by a convivial landlord and/or a flirty barmaid. This is a proper pub and, believe it or not, they are not too difficult to find.

As I say, the pub has the great advantage of servicing all your needs. Go in wanting some peace and quiet and you can sit happily by yourself with nobody disturbing you. Pub etiquette dictates if you see someone nursing a pint alone and looking grumpy you leave them well alone. That said, pub etiquette also dictates that, even in the most antisocial urban environments, it is perfectly acceptable to strike up a conversation with the stranger next to you in the bar if you are so inclined (usually a Scotsman in my experience regardless of where you are in the country).

So why does the phrase, "Let's go to the pub" fill me with such joy. Well usually it signifies that it's time to kick back and relax. It is normally said at the end of a working day, the end of a course or even at the end of a particularly arduous set of household chores. It signifies that the boring/serious bit is over and relaxation time has begun. It is no coincidence therefore that in most clubs or societies I've been in, there has usually been a trip to the pub after formal meetings. It provides a welcome opportunity for social bonding and also makes the formal meetings more efficient by giving everyone the opportunity to relax, socialise and catch up afterwards meaning they can focus on club business during the meeting. It is also a chance to informally analyse operations (usually in the form of mutual mocking) and develop plans for improvement.

I think the main reason I feel so comfortable in the pub though is that it's one of the few places I can honestly say I understand the unspoken social rules. It means I can relax knowing it's unlikely I will unwittingly make a faux pas... vitally important for a Brit. The main rule is of course, relax, be yourself and conduct social activity largely on your terms. What could be better?

You could argue that cafe's have much the same ethos but I disagree. In the more fashionable chain ones, there are usually plenty of people there to be watched rather than to just relax. You can tell them because they are ostentatiously ignoring everyone while staring at the latest tablet/laptop with some bucket of frothy concoction by their side. At the other end of the spectrum are the quieter places. Again you could say that they should have a similar atmosphere but every time I go in  one I feel an air of enforced jollity. They're the kind of places one feels obliged to comment on one's mediocre cake and weak tea to prove how much you're enjoying it (even though you're probably not). Certainly dirty jokes or the mildest of raucous behaviour are a complete no no and to top it off, they usually shut by 7 so there's no chance of making a night of it.

So in short, if you want me, I'll be in the pub. See you there!

JR