Offices

This is a bit of a tired old cliché of a rant but offices are rather strange places aren't they? The idea of grouping a bunch of people together who would otherwise be total strangers is a bit odd. The fact that this goes on relentlessly for around 8 - 10 hours a day, around five days a week and the people there would almost certainly rather be elsewhere (yes some jobs can be fun and rewarding but I'm willing to bet most people would rather be doing something else) and you have what amounts to a recipe for disaster.

I was never much of a fan of The Office the tv show. I'm still not but now I have worked in quite a few offices I can just about appreciate why some people would find it funny.

Here are a few observations I have made:

Just because I sit beside a piece of equipment does not make me a qualified maintenance engineer. Bleating!,"the fax machine's broken" then looking at me expectantly will not achieve anything. Most things have automated instructions on how to repair basic faults. Follow them.

Equally, just because I sit next to it doesn't put a clause in my contract making me responsible for ordering consumables. Tell the office manager that the toner is low.

On the subject of faults etc you can assume with some degree of certainty you're not the first person to notice it. Don't bother telling me, I'm pretty much guaranteed to know. Equally, telling me (or helpfully reminding me) each time you try to use a piece of equipment that you know is broken will not get it fixed any quicker. Nor will it make Postman Pat drive any faster with the new toner. Save your breath and my sanity. Also, before telling me about a fault, take a few picoseconds to look at the machine. There might be a note on it informing everyone that the fault is know, reported and (if you're very lucky) steps are being taken to rectify it.

When operating normally, the fact that I sit next to it doesn't mean I know how to use it. I try and turn most electrical items on with flowers and a massage, don't bother asking me for instruction and guidance. Do what everyone else does; push buttons and hope for the best.

Also, just because I sit next to a fax machine doesn't mean that I read all the incoming faxes. In fact, given how unlikely it is that any are for me, it's extremely unlikely I will read any of them. I don't know if there's anything there for you. Have a look yourself. Please don't ask on the off chance. I haven't looked today, I didn't look yesterday and I won't look tomorrow... Notice a pattern emerging? Especially don't ask me when I am doing something else; usually my work or my lunch. You can tell if I'm doing work because I'm either writing on official looking paper or fiddling with the computer. You can tell if I'm having lunch by the two pieces of bread with meat and/or cheese between them that are in my hand. Especially do not disturb on the latter. My mother will tell you that distracting me from food can be extremely dangerous!

Speaking of work; I have to do it too. Sometimes it requires me to think about it. While sometimes it's nice to have a chat, other times I need to concentrate. Before you start talking at thin air, take a second to have a look. If I'm wearing my, "I'm concentrating" face then odds are I don't really want to be disturbed... Despite the fact I'm sitting next to the photocopier. If you still need to talk to be (and yes I still know that it's broken and it's still not my problem and no I haven't seen what you're looking for) then please, PLEASE get my attention first, don't just start talking. I often listen to music as I work (the earphones are a clue) so if you just start talking, I probably won't hear you.

That's all for now. My spleen is suitably vented.

JR