I've been thinking about names recently. This has been brought on by starting a new job and my subsequent battle to learn the names of my colleagues. What adds another layer of complexity to this is the subject of nicknames and the etiquette of addressing people by them. Now obviously there are some that are absolutely fine; they are usually abbreviations of standard first names which appear on name tags and are universally used. Where I get a bit more uncomfortable is when the nicknames aren't so obvious. One in particular I'm thinking of is a corruption of the individual's sirname. It's not in the least offensive or controversial but at the same time I don't really feel comfortable using it - well not until I've been invited to at least.
Part of this stems from my own name. My "formal" name as I will now refer to it appears on my birth certificate. It's not in the least unusual, embarrassing and I actually rather like it. However since I can remember, parents and friends have referred to me by another name; not exactly an abbreviation but an informal version of my birth certificate name. Again I don't have a problem with that. I do however have a problem with some of the common abbreviations of my name. I can't put my finger on why, they just grate on me and I don't particularly like them. Generally I won't kick up a huge fuss if the abbreviations are used but I will ask whoever used it to desist.
Now here's where it gets confusing. Up until I was about 17, I was pretty much universally known by the informal version of my name. The only documents that had my formal name were my birth certificate, passport and driving licence. Even at school I was known by the informal version. This changed (a bit) when I got to Uni. I made the application in my formal name because I thought that was more appropriate. An ID check was also required so applying in my formal name removed a potential administrative hurdle.
Fairly quickly, as a way of breaking down social barriers, I invited people who I was friends with to use the informal version of my name. It sounds really pompous I know but it wasn't intended to be and I don't think it came across as such but it was a good way to generate a bit of informality. This generated a slightly odd situation where fairly soon I became known by my informal name off duty and my formal name in an academic context.
With me so far?
A few years later I moved down south. At this point I became known almost exclusively by my formal name. This was largely due to the fact that I was rarely in informal social situations. it also had a large part to do with the fact that I spent a lot of time with people who didn't speak English as a first language and who struggled to pronounce the informal version of my name (that and the fact that in some cultures it's androgynous and in others it's a female name). It is now how I'm almost universally known south of the border. It has created a slightly strange situation where half my really close friends know me by one name and half by another. Stranger still, my girlfriend knows me by my formal name (although that's partially due to the fact that her grandmother's dog was also known by my informal name).
Where am I going with this? Essentially I understand that some people are known almost exclusively by nicknames as I have been in the past but, as I've got older, I have become a bit uncomfortable with people using my accepted nickname without invitation. The over familiarity grates a bit; especially if I don't like the person! Therefore I am very wary of using nicknames of others, especially at work where the emphasis is very definitely on formality.
In the mean time I will sign off with an (assumed) nickname.
JR
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