So that was Christmas

Good morning, afternoon, evening... whatever time of day it happens to be when you're reading this. Sorry for the lack of posting in the last wee while. The next few posts should go some way to explaining why that was.

As you may or may not have noticed, it's been Christmas recently. The cards, tinsel and endless Slade in most shops is a bit of a give-away. Now during this period I become a bit of a grinch. I can't bloody stand all the hype, noise, crowds and general crassness. That said I'm not fundamentally anti-Christmas either. Although I don't subscribe to the religious aspect of it, I enjoy the pretext to spend lots of time with those I care about and shamelessly indulge myself all the while. I enjoy the random nights in the pub with friends that I don't see nearly enough of. I like the challenge of buying Christmas presents and the pleasure that well-chosen ones bring. I just wish it wasn't forced upon us by shops with quite as much gusto.

Anyway, I digress. The main point of this post was to update you on my Christmas. This year was the first year I did Christmas out of Scotland. It was also the first time I have ever hosted Christmas dinner. And just to make the day even more relaxing, it was the day that my girlfriend and I chose to introduce both sets of parents.

Ok now for the back story. JRGF and I have been together for about two and a quarter years now and formally moved in together about six months ago (having virtually lived with each other for about nine months preceding that). For various reasons, spending Christmas together over the last few years has been impossible and so be it but this year neither of us were mad keen to spend it apart. This was fine apart from the small issue of parents. I didn't want to miss Christmas with my parents a) because I just didn't but more importantly b) because I know my dad doesn't keep particularly well and I'm acutely conscious that he may not have that many left. In the case of JRGF, her mother would have blown several blood vessels at the thought of not having her over Christmas. So it was decided that the path of least resistance was to have them both over to hours... plus JRGF's granny... and the dog (naturally). So no pressure then.

All this sounds terribly cynical. In truth everybody had a wonderful day. Both sets of parents seemed to get on well and JRGF's granny was delighted that my mother grew up in a similar area to her so they could have a good old chat about "the old days". The dog loved all the attention (and the substantial amounts of turkey it got fed), the lunch was a roaring success and everybody liked their presents. Happy days.

That was the official (and sanitised) version. Now for a bit more truth. It is true to say that the two mothers got on like a house on fire which was lovely. The trouble is that they engaged in seriously competitive mothering. This meant that cups of coffee were snatched out of hands, washed and dried before the coffee in question had been properly finished. That wasn't all. It also resulted in the turkey being cooked by committee. Now I'm reasonably able in the kitchen and usually it is a place of calm where I am in complete control and tasty food emerges a wee while later. Therefore having two fussing, middle-aged women (sorry but that's the best description) offering me "helpful tips" the whole time sent my blood pressure skywards. Now it's possible to tell one's own mother to bugger off and leave one to it but try doing that to the mother in law. Eventually I took it on the chin, poured a generous measure of whisky into my coffee and tried to keep them both occupied while I got on with the core business.

Before I sound too ungrateful, I will point out that offers of help were accepted. We were only meant to be cooking the main course. We tried to organise it so that one mother brought the starters and the other brought the desserts (and with all the dietary requirements and proclivities of those around the table both were a substantial task) however naturally each brought one of their non-allocated course, "Just to be safe". Argh... the car boot was stuffed with sweets and puddings because the fridge had long surpassed it's carrying capacity. Another large scotch in the coffee and a nip extra rum in the mulled wine too... coz it's Christmas.

Fortunately, like I say, the meal was a roaring success. Doubly so since a) I wasn't in full control and b) because it's the first time in a very long time I've cooked a full roast. It was nice to see everyone getting along (for the most part). The dog also was a lifesaver. Not only did he provide a willing focus for attention to break any awkward silences, he also provided me with an excuse to get five minutes peace and quiet by taking him for a walk. The poor bugger was absolutely sparked out by the end of the day; he must have walked miles. Well it was either that or take up smoking for the first time in my life.

The day was marred a bit by JRGF unilaterally inviting someone over just at the point in the day where a last drink should be being poured, shoes be kicked off and general lethargy and relaxation setting in. The mandatory big budget TV series was about to start and I was ready to spend an hour or so staring vacantly and the box. It hurt a bit that my wishes were so totally disregarded in my own bloody house but the night was saved a) by the in-laws calling it a night and heading back to their hotel naturally bringing the night to a close and b) JRGF being in a similar mind-set to me and so making it clear that peace and quiet was the order of the day. At least it was a chance to (rather pointedly) catch up with e-mails and text messages on my phone.

Anyway, that was Christmas 2012. I will update you on Boxing day next... a whole new kettle of fish that one.

For now I will sign off.

JR