Crushes

Crushes. Attractions we have to others but rarely act upon. Flirtations perhaps. Why do we have them? What makes us form them?  At the very base of it, what are they?

Let's start by trying to define what a romantic crush is a bit more tightly. It's a form of romantic attraction. Certainly part of it is physical but I'm willing to bet that, if you're honest, there will be a lot of fantasy involved too. Generally the object of one's attention/affection is one's "type" but unavailable either because they have a pre-existing partner (usually irritatingly perfect or complete fuckwit, no middle ground) or because they are out of your league (although only just - frustrating).

I would say that to be a bona fide crush, the person in question has to be known to you. Two categories present themselves here. The first is someone you know. You have perhaps known them for years and probably found them extremely attractive for a decent part of that. Because you know them, you are well aware of all their good points and either blind to their bad points or don't know them well enough for the bad points to reveal themselves. If fate is being particularly cruel then you will know them sufficiently well to be party to their stories of their partner's failings or their deep desire to get a partner... usually with all the qualities you think you can offer. A good example of this kind of crush is Simon in the Inbetweeners with Carli next door.

The second type is a bit less tangible. Again they are know to you but not nearly as well. They may be a friend of a friend or someone you are in a class with. You see them from afar but never really get to know them beyond the occasional, brief, conversational exchange. To compensate for this lack of knowledge, one compensates by filling in the gaps with one's imagination. As a result, they become little short of perfect; no bad habits, irritating friends, interfering mothers, etc. Of course they will find you utterly wonderful and adore you unquestioningly.

In short, both are pictures of perfection so close but just beyond reach and it's probably because they are just out of reach that they are so enticing.

So what's the point in them? Most people, if they're honest would never dream of acting on a crush either because we know, deep down, that it isn't meant to happen or for fear unnerving the object of our affection. I think people form crushes because humans are naturally romantics at heart and crushes form an outlet for this. A treat for the mind when one's romantic real life is less than rosy and a distraction from reality is needed.

Well that's my take anyway!

JR