Today I have found myself in the unusual position of being without my kindle or my book. Normally I would usually be armed with a newspaper or two as well but today I am really just not in the mood. Enough serious stuff has been happening; I don't really want to read about more. And I'm not awake enough to make a successful go of the crossword. Anyway, to avoid boredom on some tedious travelling I have to do before I finish work, I thought I would get a magazine. Something suitably easy-going to distract me without overtaxing me. Easier said than done!
Let's start with the so-called men's interest section. I can confidently say I'm a man and I have a diverse range of interests. None of which are covered by the men's interest section. Let's start with the technology magazines. I'm not against technology per se but there has to be a point to it. "Technology" for the sake of it is profoundly pointless. New is not a synonym for better; different is not a synonym of improved and anyone who parades their phone etc as a status symbol rather than a tool gains a lot of pity from me. As you can imagine, the cry, "I've got an app for that" reliably makes my heart sinks. There seem to be a lot of solutions awaiting problems (and a lot of iphones/pads/pods that own people as an acquaintance rather shrewdly remarked). It is also worth noting that just because said technology is being waved around by a pretty girl in her bra and knickers doesn't make it interesting or desirable. Don't get me wrong, I like seeing pretty girls in their bras and knickers (and ideally less) I just prefer it when they're in my bedroom and I can do something about it. Having them on the pages of a magazine just seens a bit futile unless you enjoy getting dirty looks from old ladies on the train... I don't.
Next up would be the exercise magazines featuring improbably muscly men as well as pretty girls in bras and knickers. Most of the claim to be able to get one sculpted and muscly overnight with technical sounding routines. Sorry chaps (and chapesses). My biology background tells me exercise is a fairly simple science. Ask your body to do a little bit more than it's used to doing and it will adapt. Continue to do so and it will continue to adapt. The trick is not going over the top with enthusiasm when you start. That's pretty much all there is to it. If you want to get stronger, lift progressively heavier weights. If you want greater stamina, run/bike/swim/hop progressively further/faster. There are variations on the theme but there's really no substitute for hard work and time. (And if anyone get's fit off this advice, I will happily take a few quid in payment for my training plan). Another limp to these magazines is their encouragement to get men thinking about their own health. In principal I'm in favour of this as men often suffer disproportionately from ailments due to their refusal to seek help. Unfortunately, in a misguided attempt to sound, "blokey" the articles all come across as horrendously condescending and imply that us chaps are a bunch of useless oafs.
The men's "lifestyle" magazines on the surface don't seem to be too bad. They offer a range of interesting articles on a range of topics from sex to suits. So far so good but I do object on principle to paying the guts of a fiver for something that's essentially a third advertising. Furthermore they too are blighted by pretty girls in bras and knickers. Again I like seeing them, but there is a time and a place.
At this point you're probably thinking that the Chap magazine sounds about right for me (especially if you have read previous posts about my love of tweed, fountain pens and general Woodhousian eccentricity) and you'd be right. Trouble is, I've already read it this month.
So let's continue our voyage round the newsagent's. Ordinarily a current affairs magazine should hit the spot nicely. The Week is a good overview, Private Eye has brilliant cartoons and (although I disagree with a lot of what they say) fantastic satire and The Spectator is generally an enjoyable read. However as previously stated, I fancied something a bit light and distracting; something which none of those are. Naturally this ruled out the heavier publications such as The Economist as well.
I did think about indulging my inner nerd and buying New Scientists. However, although I am a general lover of science and the idea of science, the type of stuff that gets me really fascinated can be reasonably narrowly defined and unfortunately none of these featured in this edition.
I could have gone for a car mag but they tend to be a bit full-on even for me. Although, if I won the lottery, I have a long list of cars I would love; I can't get excited about being bogged down in the mundane detials when they are printed. Even Top Gear (a show I love) can't quite make the transition on to the page.
That leaves the specialist interest magazines (hobbies not esoteric porn... Filthy buggers). A lot of these look genuinely interesting. Many of them cover subjects of genuine interest to me or talk about objects of great beauty. However none are on topics that interest me sufficiently to allow me to read an entire magazine on them. Plus I almost certainly don't have the requisite prior knowledge.
Where does that leave me? Well it leaves me bored and grumbling into my blog while on the train. I hope it has at least provided you with some amusement. I will send a fuller account of my exploits soon.
JR
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