Today I have been wondering if there is a special institution somewhere that teaches older gentlemen how to be utterly and effortlessly charming. Perhaps it's a similar institution to the one that teaches girls to give "the look" from a distressingly young age.
This train of thought was provoked by listening to BBC Radio 4's Desert Island Discs this morning. The castaway was Paul Johnson, a prolific writer, who was being interviewed by Kirsty Young. During the interview he described Ms Young, a seasoned BBC reporter (not unreasonably) as a, "pretty girl". Normally, I would expect at best a comment like this to be politely ignored at best and at worst treated with hostility. Not a bit of it, Kirsty was reduced to giggles and I'm prepared to bet she was blushing too. This response was guaranteed because the remark was made with genuine charm and so did not sound sleazy or creepy.
Unfortunately this charm seems to be limited to gentlemen above a certain age. The type of chap who can wear a tie and a pocket square/buttonhole on a daily basis without it seeming affected. Someone for whom a pocket watch, and possibly a pipe, seem totally natural.
I must admit I'm envious of these individuals. Although I can be outgoing and convivial, it doesn't come easily and sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it a bit. I wish I had the right blend of charm, confidence and a certain twinkle to be able to effortlessly put others at their ease. But I think the issue runs deeper than that. As a male in his mid-20s I feel profoundly uncomfortable commenting on the appearance of women. My girlfriend is obviously an exception, as are many of my close female friends (chosen because they share similar views and opinions to me) but that's where it ends. I feel uncomfortable paying compliments to female acquaintances/colleagues etc. Part of this is because I don't want to sound like I'm trying to get into their knickers... I'm not. Nor do I want to sound like I'm taking the piss. Finally, I don't want to unintentionally cause offence (I can do that quite well intentionally).
It saddens me that this situation has arisen. The idea that people are now only nice to each other when they have ulterior motives is really rather disheartening. There is also the slightly more complex issue of gender politics to consider. When I say, "That's a nice dress." I mean that the dress looks nice, has attractive colours and the wearer looks good wearing it. I do not mean, as paranoid types may choose to interpret, "I think your soul purpose on the planet is an object of sexual desire, nothing could be more important and of course you have done it for my benefit". Unfortunately, I don't have any control over what the recipient of the compliment infers. Of course this is taking things to extremes but it illustrates that some may not feel comfortable having their appearance commented on.
Like I say, I think this is a shame. I enjoy being able to compliment people, being able to say something nice and make them feel good (especially these days when a large chunk of the media is dedicated to mocking others and pointing out their flaws). Equally, I appreciate it if I make a particular effort with my appearance and people notice and appreciate it. It may be as small as a new pair of cufflinks or something major like donning the kilt however either way it's a bit of light social-lubrication that costs nothing and hopefully makes everyone's day a bit better.
This has turned into a bit of a ramble but I hope it makes sense.
JR
This train of thought was provoked by listening to BBC Radio 4's Desert Island Discs this morning. The castaway was Paul Johnson, a prolific writer, who was being interviewed by Kirsty Young. During the interview he described Ms Young, a seasoned BBC reporter (not unreasonably) as a, "pretty girl". Normally, I would expect at best a comment like this to be politely ignored at best and at worst treated with hostility. Not a bit of it, Kirsty was reduced to giggles and I'm prepared to bet she was blushing too. This response was guaranteed because the remark was made with genuine charm and so did not sound sleazy or creepy.
Unfortunately this charm seems to be limited to gentlemen above a certain age. The type of chap who can wear a tie and a pocket square/buttonhole on a daily basis without it seeming affected. Someone for whom a pocket watch, and possibly a pipe, seem totally natural.
I must admit I'm envious of these individuals. Although I can be outgoing and convivial, it doesn't come easily and sometimes I feel like I'm forcing it a bit. I wish I had the right blend of charm, confidence and a certain twinkle to be able to effortlessly put others at their ease. But I think the issue runs deeper than that. As a male in his mid-20s I feel profoundly uncomfortable commenting on the appearance of women. My girlfriend is obviously an exception, as are many of my close female friends (chosen because they share similar views and opinions to me) but that's where it ends. I feel uncomfortable paying compliments to female acquaintances/colleagues etc. Part of this is because I don't want to sound like I'm trying to get into their knickers... I'm not. Nor do I want to sound like I'm taking the piss. Finally, I don't want to unintentionally cause offence (I can do that quite well intentionally).
It saddens me that this situation has arisen. The idea that people are now only nice to each other when they have ulterior motives is really rather disheartening. There is also the slightly more complex issue of gender politics to consider. When I say, "That's a nice dress." I mean that the dress looks nice, has attractive colours and the wearer looks good wearing it. I do not mean, as paranoid types may choose to interpret, "I think your soul purpose on the planet is an object of sexual desire, nothing could be more important and of course you have done it for my benefit". Unfortunately, I don't have any control over what the recipient of the compliment infers. Of course this is taking things to extremes but it illustrates that some may not feel comfortable having their appearance commented on.
Like I say, I think this is a shame. I enjoy being able to compliment people, being able to say something nice and make them feel good (especially these days when a large chunk of the media is dedicated to mocking others and pointing out their flaws). Equally, I appreciate it if I make a particular effort with my appearance and people notice and appreciate it. It may be as small as a new pair of cufflinks or something major like donning the kilt however either way it's a bit of light social-lubrication that costs nothing and hopefully makes everyone's day a bit better.
This has turned into a bit of a ramble but I hope it makes sense.
JR
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