Crushes. Attractions we have to others but rarely act upon. Flirtations perhaps. Why do we have them? What makes us form them? At the very base of it, what are they?
Let's start by trying to define what a romantic crush is a bit more tightly. It's a form of romantic attraction. Certainly part of it is physical but I'm willing to bet that, if you're honest, there will be a lot of fantasy involved too. Generally the object of one's attention/affection is one's "type" but unavailable either because they have a pre-existing partner (usually irritatingly perfect or complete fuckwit, no middle ground) or because they are out of your league (although only just - frustrating).
I would say that to be a bona fide crush, the person in question has to be known to you. Two categories present themselves here. The first is someone you know. You have perhaps known them for years and probably found them extremely attractive for a decent part of that. Because you know them, you are well aware of all their good points and either blind to their bad points or don't know them well enough for the bad points to reveal themselves. If fate is being particularly cruel then you will know them sufficiently well to be party to their stories of their partner's failings or their deep desire to get a partner... usually with all the qualities you think you can offer. A good example of this kind of crush is Simon in the Inbetweeners with Carli next door.
The second type is a bit less tangible. Again they are know to you but not nearly as well. They may be a friend of a friend or someone you are in a class with. You see them from afar but never really get to know them beyond the occasional, brief, conversational exchange. To compensate for this lack of knowledge, one compensates by filling in the gaps with one's imagination. As a result, they become little short of perfect; no bad habits, irritating friends, interfering mothers, etc. Of course they will find you utterly wonderful and adore you unquestioningly.
In short, both are pictures of perfection so close but just beyond reach and it's probably because they are just out of reach that they are so enticing.
So what's the point in them? Most people, if they're honest would never dream of acting on a crush either because we know, deep down, that it isn't meant to happen or for fear unnerving the object of our affection. I think people form crushes because humans are naturally romantics at heart and crushes form an outlet for this. A treat for the mind when one's romantic real life is less than rosy and a distraction from reality is needed.
Well that's my take anyway!
JR
Showing posts with label the inbetweeners. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the inbetweeners. Show all posts
Sunday, 30 September 2012
Thursday, 11 August 2011
I have a guilty secret. I have been known to read the Daily Mail. I get most of my "news" reporting from other sources but the Mail is always good for a bit of a snigger.
Not so today. I would suggest you read this article.
I read a few years ago that sociologists think that generations are getting smaller. By that I mean, the age range that covers the term "generation" is narrowing. I must say I agree and this article really does confirm it.
As a bit of background, my mid- to late- teens was very similar to that of the show, "The Inbetweeners". I went to parties, worked for exams, relaxed with mates, went to the pub (not always successfully), tried to get a girlfriend. Some parties did get a little debauched. Some of my peers dabbled in drugs (this isn't me being coy, genuinely most of my mates and I had no interest in anything stronger than whisky). I occasionally had to slur to my parents that I had, "only had a couple" and the smell of fag smoke was because I had walked a girl who smokes home.
I am now in my mid-20s. I still go to the pub with my mates. I still enjoy house parties. I now go out to clubs more because I have real ID (not the kind that was made on your mate's, dad's laser printer). However subtle differences are becoming apparent. I have started appreciating well ironed shirts and nicely polished shoes. I have stopped regarding closing time/passing out as the time to stop drinking. I enjoy (and have hosted) dinner parties. Now 90% of my alcohol consumption is because I like the taste of what I'm drinking rather than for the effects of alcohol (but who doesn't go on a bender now and again). I can say no to a fly-fag. In short; I am growing up.
This is what I genuinely believed until recently. Now I think the whole culture of being young has changed. What shocked me about reading the above article was how unsurprised I was. A large part of this opinion has been formed due to my flatmate's girlfriend. She is 19 and, as far as I can tell, a fair representation of a normal 19 year old. In short, while I compared my late teens to "The Inbetweeners", her life seems to be more like "Skins". Casual sex is the norm. She talks of one friend/aquaintence who caused most of her friend circle to become infected with chlamydia. This was shrugged off as being a bit of a pest. It was clear that sex was clearly an act very separate from relationships and (in my opinion) had precious little to do with intimacy either. It is just something one does. From some of the stories told, even liking the person is largely optional never mind attraction.
Then there is the booze. I have been out with my flatmate and his girlfriend to some of her haunts. Once again, I like a drink, often followed by a second (my girlfriend jokes that I have never bought a half unless it's been part of a whole) but again the sheer level of consumption is shocking. An image that will stay with me for a long time is that of a girl who looked closer to 10 than 20 even with the aid of makeup, killer heels and mini-dress. She was on the dance floor drinking wine... through a straw... from the bottle. Even at the most outrageous parties I was at (including the one in the new house of a friend's dad who had recently divorced his mum. We were given a couple of crates of beer by his mum and told to, "have a good time". Would have loved to see the dad's face afterwards) we usually used a glass as an intermediary for everything other than beer.
My mother has referred to me as her Young Fogey for years. I admit my love of ale, single malt, tweed and fountain pens combined with my suspicion of technology may be a little antiquated for most 25 year olds but I don't think I am that different from most of my generation. It worries me that the younger generation are doing this to themselves. It worries me what the generation who are still young kids are going to do when they reach this stage in their development. The prospect of having kids terrifies me, not because of the idea of responsibility and commitment but because of what I might be bringing a child into.
Hopefully some form of equilibrium will be restored soon. Until then I hope that the long term potential damage caused by this behaviour will be minimal.
JR
Not so today. I would suggest you read this article.
I read a few years ago that sociologists think that generations are getting smaller. By that I mean, the age range that covers the term "generation" is narrowing. I must say I agree and this article really does confirm it.
As a bit of background, my mid- to late- teens was very similar to that of the show, "The Inbetweeners". I went to parties, worked for exams, relaxed with mates, went to the pub (not always successfully), tried to get a girlfriend. Some parties did get a little debauched. Some of my peers dabbled in drugs (this isn't me being coy, genuinely most of my mates and I had no interest in anything stronger than whisky). I occasionally had to slur to my parents that I had, "only had a couple" and the smell of fag smoke was because I had walked a girl who smokes home.
I am now in my mid-20s. I still go to the pub with my mates. I still enjoy house parties. I now go out to clubs more because I have real ID (not the kind that was made on your mate's, dad's laser printer). However subtle differences are becoming apparent. I have started appreciating well ironed shirts and nicely polished shoes. I have stopped regarding closing time/passing out as the time to stop drinking. I enjoy (and have hosted) dinner parties. Now 90% of my alcohol consumption is because I like the taste of what I'm drinking rather than for the effects of alcohol (but who doesn't go on a bender now and again). I can say no to a fly-fag. In short; I am growing up.
This is what I genuinely believed until recently. Now I think the whole culture of being young has changed. What shocked me about reading the above article was how unsurprised I was. A large part of this opinion has been formed due to my flatmate's girlfriend. She is 19 and, as far as I can tell, a fair representation of a normal 19 year old. In short, while I compared my late teens to "The Inbetweeners", her life seems to be more like "Skins". Casual sex is the norm. She talks of one friend/aquaintence who caused most of her friend circle to become infected with chlamydia. This was shrugged off as being a bit of a pest. It was clear that sex was clearly an act very separate from relationships and (in my opinion) had precious little to do with intimacy either. It is just something one does. From some of the stories told, even liking the person is largely optional never mind attraction.
Then there is the booze. I have been out with my flatmate and his girlfriend to some of her haunts. Once again, I like a drink, often followed by a second (my girlfriend jokes that I have never bought a half unless it's been part of a whole) but again the sheer level of consumption is shocking. An image that will stay with me for a long time is that of a girl who looked closer to 10 than 20 even with the aid of makeup, killer heels and mini-dress. She was on the dance floor drinking wine... through a straw... from the bottle. Even at the most outrageous parties I was at (including the one in the new house of a friend's dad who had recently divorced his mum. We were given a couple of crates of beer by his mum and told to, "have a good time". Would have loved to see the dad's face afterwards) we usually used a glass as an intermediary for everything other than beer.
My mother has referred to me as her Young Fogey for years. I admit my love of ale, single malt, tweed and fountain pens combined with my suspicion of technology may be a little antiquated for most 25 year olds but I don't think I am that different from most of my generation. It worries me that the younger generation are doing this to themselves. It worries me what the generation who are still young kids are going to do when they reach this stage in their development. The prospect of having kids terrifies me, not because of the idea of responsibility and commitment but because of what I might be bringing a child into.
Hopefully some form of equilibrium will be restored soon. Until then I hope that the long term potential damage caused by this behaviour will be minimal.
JR
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