Presents for Guys

Somehow, somewhere somebody has decided that it would be a good idea to put the Christmas decorations up already in some shops. You know, because September is such a traditionally festive month. No doubt this is aimed to provoke an orgy of consumerism from now until about mid-January. Joy. As always, I will be leaving my Christmas shopping until mid-December. If I was organised, I would of course do it mid-January and take advantage of the sales but a) that always feels a bit naughty even though nobody I am likely to buy gifts for would really mind (especially as they would usually get the same amount spent, just better gifts) and b) who knows where one is going to be in a year.

Anyway, this isn't really the point of the post. It was provoked by stumbling on an article (I don't know where so sorry for lack of link) about good presents to buy girls; not just for Christmas but generally. This is the antidote to that; good presents to buy guys.

Now before you girls start grumbling, "Guys are so hard to get presents for", we're not. This is a rough guide but hopefully it will provide inspiration. Of course, with all of this there's the pervasive caveat know your audience but that said, let's crack on.

Firstly, ignore guys that say they don't need anything. Presents are not about things that one necessarily needs but that doesn't mean they can't be useful or functional.

Most chaps I know love gadgets. There's a hierarchy here: if you can hurt yourself on it, it's close to the top. Swiss army knives are good here. I've had mine since I was about 15 and it has honestly been one of the most useful things ever. After that are things with an electric circuit; if they light up or go "beep" that's a plus. After that come individual passions of the chap in particular.

The above is a bit flippant but it's not a bad start if you really are stuck. However, don't be afraid of seemingly "generic" presents. A lot of guys I know genuinely appreciate things that would normally be considered dull. I'm talking things like ties and cuff-links here. My male friends agree almost unanimously that they are proud of their collections of each. Both are largely sartorial flourishes these days but a good way to display how well you know the person. Be very wary of novelty items as they will normally be worn in a work or a formal environment. That's not to say they have to be totally dull. I have a pair that say "bow" and "stroke", the rowing equivalent of port and starboard which makes sense since I used to row. I also have a pair which are watch mechanisms mounted on a cuff-link which ties into my love of watches. Both show originality and personality without being garish so hit the spot nicely.

Pens are another possibility. Almost everybody has to write on a daily basis so why not make it a bit more pleasant with a decent pen. I'm not necessarily talking about blowing serious cash on a Mont Blanc; others can be obtained far more cheaply but are desirable none the less. A stainless steel Parker Jotter will give you enough change from a tenner to go for a drink afterwards but it also featured heavily in Goldeneye and therefore will be valued by anyone who remotely considers themselves a Bond fan. Or what about a fisher space pen - designed by NASA to work in zero gravity and write on all sorts of odd surfaces such as on grease or under water. This was achieved using some clever gel-ink which was kept in a cannister under pressure (it's interesting to note that the Russians had a device with similar capabilities... a pencil!) and again won't break the bank. See what I mean? Cool enough to be a gadget without being hideously expensive.

Drinking vessels are also good ones. Err on personalised and classic if going for tankards rather than a Simpsons et al one. Hip flasks are another good shout; there's almost limitless variety and a good one will last a long time. Most have metal surfaces that can be inscribed if you want an added touch. A favourite gift of mine was a cut-glass whisky tumbler I received for my 18th. It has stayed with me since and I love it. However drinking vessels don't necessarily have to be alcohol related. On my 21st I received a James Bond mug featuring a dust jacket picture and quote from Goldfinger. It was an add-on to my main present but I loved it (sadly it broke recently) and made morning coffee much more pleasant and morning generally just a wee bit more bearable.

On the subject of drinking vessels, drink is never a bad shout but again, know your audience. I love whisky and always genuinely appreciate bottles I've given. It has introduced me to whiskys I have never heard of (which is impressive) and opened my eyes to others I have yet to try. However, be careful; make sure it's their tipple of choice unless you have sufficient expertise in whatever you're buying to be nigh on certain they will like it.

See what I mean folks, the obvious stuff can be appreciated if done carefully.

So what have my favourite gifts been, apart from the ones already mentioned? Well my watch, kilt and some of my pens are certainly up there but not just the very expensive stuff.

An ex gave me a bottle of Floris 89 aftershave. This is the stuff favoured by Ian Flemming and James Bond therefore, as a huge Bond fan, I loved it. Not only does it smell nice but it must have required some fairly detailed research to find out.

On a similar note, my girlfriend gave me a James Bond monopoly set a couple of Christmases ago after I casually mentioned that I had seen one years ago and had been keeping an eye out for one ever since. She got serious brownie points for actually being able to find one (they are fairly rare) and even more for remembering one throwaway sentence in a conversation on one of our early dates.

She also got me a coffee maker with a timer which hit the spot perfectly. As a hopeless caffeine addict and coffee lover, it's not a good idea to get too close to me in the morning before I've had a hit. This is brilliant, set it up the night before, set the timer for 10 minutes before your alarm then wake up the next morning to the smell of freshly brewed coffee with the only effort being stumbling into the kitchen and pouring it into a (James Bond - yeah of course I replaced the broken one) mug! It's doubly good if you remember and set it up before you go on a big night out so the coffee is ready and waiting for you the morning after... who says aromatherapy is rubbish?!

Slightly left-field was an electric razor. I look ridiculous with any form of facial hair so being clean shaven is a necessity. Wet shaving, though it yields fantastic results, is at best fiddly and at worst dangerous if done in a hurry, the electric takes the faff out on a daily basis again making mornings a bit less of a pain.

There are many others which I have loved but this at least gives an idea of appreciable things.

Now to berry my head in the sand and try to ignore the selection boxes in the supermarket.

JR

Skyfall, an actual review...

Right, after my gushing post the other night here is a more sensible review. I stand by my gushing but let me go into a bit more detail as to why.

Firstly, there's the casting. All the actors are absolutely wonderful (sorry for sounding like a luvvie but it's true). Daniel Craig is spectacular as Bond; his portrayal really does ooze the "back to Flemming" approach he talked about. It's difficult to put into words but without doubt he nailed it with just the right combination of physicality, self-loathing and humour which makes up the character. The only trouble is the poor man seems to have developed an allergy to shirts: at any rate he took them off at every possible opportunity!

Dame Judi Dench was absolutely mesmerising as M. Unlike most of the previous films, her character was integral to the plot (and there was a plot this time thank god). She and Craig sparked off each other wonderfully creating a kind of chemistry which has never been present between M and Bond in the films before (it has been alluded to in the books with M asking Bond to complete a number of assignments that are not strictly official). She was also a vehicle for a detail which I rather liked and I hope was intentional. Without going into detail, the plot explores the an increasingly bureaucratic parliamentary management on MI6 who see the way things are done now as outmoded and useless. The message is largely, beware change for the sake of change and ignore the old ways at your peril. So that's the general idea backed up (I think) by M covering herself in a travelling rug on the journey up to Scotland. No big deal in itself but the tartan of the travelling rug was that of the Black Watch, a Scottish army regiment which was dismantled in a round of government "streamlining"(/cuts) despite it's history and it's proven record of efficiency and effectiveness. Maybe I'm over-thinking things but, to me, it was one of a number of real-world events explored in a fair bit of detail showing the franchise is not all about mindless escapism.

The villain, played by Javier Bardem, was superb. A portrait of unhinged evil. Unusually his motive wasn't world domination but in some ways that made him even better.

"New Q" also deserves a mention. I was dubious if anybody could fill the lab-coat of the late Desmond Llewelyn. John Cleese, much as I like the rest of his work, did nothing to dispel this. Ben Wishaw doesn't do so either but he certainly stands along-side. Previous gadgets issued by Q branch were name-checked (the exploding pen being one, the signature recognition PPK being two for the price of one) and new ones added but never in direct competition. In a way, it's a good example of the mood of the film in general; it acknowledges the past associated with the Bond films while taking ownership of the present and moving it forward. A risky strategy but one that was spot on here.

Before I look at other aspects of the film I can't progress without mentioning the undisputed star of the show. A silver Aston Martin DB5 registration BMT 216 A. When it appeared on screen, a cheer when up from the audience and quite right too. And it wasn't just there as window dressing. It featured heavily in the plot towards the end. Yes, we know that in real life there is as much chance of a spy driving an Aston Martin as there is of me winning Miss World but what's Bond without the suspension of disbelief and a good dollop of fantasy.

Since I have mentioned a brand already, now seems like a good time to mention product placement. Bond has always had a history with product placement. In the books Flemming mentioned items as a reference to luxury and only got rewarded afterwards. In the early films as well, certain things were used because they were commonly accepted as the best but the brands were still name checked. Latterly, as advertising kicked off, brands paid more and more to have their products featured in the films. All of this lead to a huge hubbub late last year when it was announced Heineken were going to contribute to the funding of the film. There was outcry about the idea of Bond drinking beer (despite the fact that he does so frequently in the books and films thus far) and worry that the label was going to take over the film. In the event, yes beers were drunk but they were never ostentatiously consumed and always in situations where the consumption was appropriate. This was the same of all the other brands featured (and who had undoubtedly paid to have done so) as I was in no doubt would be the case given both producers have been involved in the franchise for most of their lives. They know it's not going to be a one hit wonder and therefore have to keep an eye on the future and ensure Bond isn't just one long advert. The one exception to this, disapointingly in my view, was the watches. Everyone knows Omega has been linked to Bond since 1996 and everyone knows Bond wears high-end wristwear. The watch was going to become famous and feature heavily in the film however I thought, at times, it was a bit "in your face", almost as if the watch was wearing Daniel Craig rather than the other way round. It wasn't quite worn on top of the shirt cuff but at times it wasn't far off. I thought that was a bit of a shame really since Omega have established a link with the franchise that is up there with the most secure.

One final thing I will comment on before I bring this ramble to a close was the return of humour. The last couple of Bonds have been rather lacking in this department (probably as a response to the increasingly cartoonish nature of the Brosnan years). In Skyfall it is back and not before time too. Rather than go down the one-liner route, it usually takes the form of pithy verbal interaction between the characters. It stops short of all-out banter but at the same time is sharp and witty. There are some points which are laugh-out-loud funny but at no point do you get the feeling that the actors are playing for laughs. Like I say, spot on!

There are one or two other features of the film I can't discuss because it would give away some fairly major plot twists and i don't want to spoil it for anyone who has yet to go and see it. Suffice to say, Skyfall is set to become one of the all-time great Bonds. May there be many more like it.

Go and see it if you have not already done so. I can't urge you strongly enough.

JR

Skyfall at Last

So that was it. The culmination of three years of waiting. I have finally seen Skyfall. My mind is still reeling. I will write a fuller post on it when I've had time to absorb and process what I've seen (and maybe see it again) but in short, it is truly wonderful; easily the best Bond in the last 20 years. It could even be on a par with Goldfinger in my estimations. Potentially it could be regarded as genre-defining although only time will tell on that one.

I'm not going to discuss any of the details at the moment so I don't spoil it for those anticipating seeing it in the near future but let me say, go and see it as soon as possible. It delivers everything one would expect of a Bond film and so, so, so much more.

Earlier I described it as the Bond equivalent of eating at a Heston Blumenthal restaurant (where Goldfinger is more akin to eating at Gordon Ramsay). In short, Goldfinger is classic in it's style but at the absolute pinnacle with it. Skyfall is easily recognisable as a Bond film (as Heston's creations are recognisable as food) however the presentation and delivery on both counts is mind-blowing and takes you to places you didn't think possible.

I know I'm gushing like a schoolgirl here but I make no apologies for it. This is truly a masterpiece of the franchise combining innovation (not a concept I'm usually a fan of as you will know from previous posts) with lots of references to the past; some subtle, others more tongue in cheek. Not only that but there are references to events in the real world of intelligence (although I can't go into them without revealing a major plot twist). It's definitely one for the diehards like myself but still accessible to the uninitiated (as confirmed by the Missus - although I'm gradually filling the gaps in her education to date). Sir Roger Moore described Skyfall as one of the best Bond films ever when I saw him on Tuesday. I took this description with a large pinch of salt thinking there was an element of hyperbole in his claim. I retract those thoughts unreservedly.

There are many bits of trivia and observations I will note down in a few days time (once I can safely make observations without spoiling the surprises for too many people) but for now let me leave you with a fact and an observation.

The observation is that the best Bond girls all seem to be French for some reason. Carole Bouquet, Eva Green and the most recent offering (who's name escapes me) along with several others have all been French. My theory is - if you will forgive the generalisation - that this is because no other girls on the planet can smoulder like French girls. There are many that are equally as pretty if not more so but they lack the same sensual, sultry qualities. Whatever the reason this trend is carried on in Skyfall.

The trivia (which I love) is that the stunt driver for the film is Ben Collins. Some say he was unfairly dismissed by the BBC for writing about himself and that he has an unhealthy fetish for the colour white. What we know is that he was the Stig (the anonymous racing driver on Top Gear for anyone who has been living under a rock). This adds another twist of slightly chauvinistic Britishness to the mix. The choice of Collins for the stunt driver is made better still by the fact that he did serve with the SAS for a while adding another connection to the shadow world of our intelligence services and special forcer.

Go see it. See it at the earliest possible opportunity.

JR

Be Careful what you Joke About

During the Diamond Jubilee celebrations much was made about the fact that, at a street party attended by Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cornwall, two verses of 'God Save The Queen' were sung.

At the time, I joked to my girlfriend that only immigrants knew both verses and that was due to their need to pass citizenship tests.

Well it appears my joke may not have been too far from the truth. An article in today's Telegraph (link to follow) is saying that now, migrants have greater knowledge of British culture than native Brits.

Life imitating art or what?

I now predict that I will win the lottery and Pippa Middleton will stumble across my profile on facebook and decide she's madly in love with me. Here's hoping anyway.

JR

In the Presence of Greatness

This week has been quite a week and there's more to come. It has been a time of landmark events and life's high points.

As you may have guessed, I am a bit of a fan of the James Bond franchise and this week has been rather heavy on Bond events.

Let's start with today and work backwards. Today Skyfall goes on general release; the 23rd Bond film is released on the anniversary of the release of Dr. No, the first one. My tickets for a screening tomorrow are nestled in my wallet and I can't wait. So far the reviews have been overwhelmingly positive. My own will be going up soon.

But let's go back a few days. On Tuesday it was the Royal World Premier of Skyfall at the Albert Hall. The entire street in front of the front entrance was covered in 007 logos, themes from previous films were being pumped out and one of the most famous characters of all made a guest appearance; the Aston Martin DB5.

Daniel Craig arrived in a Range Rover of all things (unusual in that it is a car I both would and wouldn't associate with Bond) and was greeted by a roar from the crowds. I can't begin to imagine what he was feeling then but to be the recipient of such adoration must be incredible. More so because, at that moment, he knew he was the living embodiment of James Bond (even if his watch was a Rolex rather than an Omega - yes folks, I am that sad). Craig, in my opinion, is a truly magnificent Bond and richly deserves the reception. What impressed me more was the way he ignored the army of pretty PR girls trying to shepherd him up the red carpet and spent time interacting with fans and signing autographs. From interviews he has given, I get the strong impression that he genuinely respects the fans of his films generally and especially Bond fans given the nerdy love most of them have. He also gives the impression of being a genuine Bond fan which is always a good thing.

After Craig's arrival came the rest of the cast and crew in suitable red carpet style. Notable among the attendees were the Rolls Royce from Goldfinger. Another nice touch was the Rolls from View to a Kill being used. The car in the film belonged to the producer Cubby Broccoli and on Tuesday his daughter Barbara, the current producer, was the one to arrive in it. That's just cool!

So was I at this spectacular event? Was I screaming like a teenage girl at a boyband concert? Much as I would have loved to be there, I wasn't. I watched it on youtube. I was at the Albert Hall the next day but sadly for a far less auspicious event. The whole place was cloaked in anticlimax.

On Tuesday night I was in the ultra-glamorous location of Basingstoke. Was I disappointed to be there rather than in London? Apart from the natural disappointment of not being in London generally, not a bit of it. I had a wonderful evening at the one event on the planet that could equal the Royal World Premier of Skyfall. I was at 'An Evening with Roger Moore'.

Roger Moore is the actor with the most Bond films to his name. He has had seven outings ranging from Live and Let Die to View to a Kill and on Tuesday I spent a fabulous evening listening to him tell stories from his illustrious career (although surprisingly little about Bond). More men have walked on the moon than have played the main role in a Bond film and I got to spend the evening in the company of one of them.

Although occasionally showing his age, Sir Roger was on fine form. He was witty, charming, naturally suave and exuded a natural warmth. The evening was aided by a compère asking Sir Roger questions about his life and career. He clearly knew his stuff and never tried to take over the process. What really impressed me was that the whole evening was unscripted. As well as being naturally hilarious a lot of the anecdotes told were extremely risqué however he is one of those men that can say the most outrageous things and still not sound smutty. As well as talking about his film career, Sir Roger talked at great length and with obvious passion about his career as a UNICEF ambassador. It was genuinely touching to hear him talk with such passion and conviction about sharing the gifts that he had been bestowed upon him with others.

The event that sealed the night to perfection was of course when he quoted his line... "My name is Bond. James Bond." Wonderful.

So a bit of a Bond-themed week. I am now counting the hours until I take my seat in the cinema and see the film I have been eagerly anticipating for years.

JR

Reunion

A few weeks ago I had a reunion of the people I was in Africa with ten years ago. Ten years. It seems hard to believe. In many ways it seems like yesterday that I signed out of school with a nonchalant  "Got to go, I'm off to Africa!" (yes, I was that much of a knob but in my defence I was only 16). I still remember a lot of the details almost forensically; the in jokes, the silly sayings, the things we did and most of all the people involved.

I must admit I was a little apprehensive about meeting everyone again. For the most part, and despite conscious effort, I have lost touch with a lot of them. People drift apart especially when they are fairly spread out and following their own lives, career paths  and such like. Perhaps the age we were at made it worse; we were going off to uni or travelling and generally spreading out and going through a lot of changes. Facebook also has a lot to answer for. It makes it easy to keep in touch with people passively so one sees what's happening in people's lives without having to make an effort. In short, I only properly kept in touch with one of them.

What surprised me most about the reunion is how little everybody had changed. Yes we have all grown up, (mostly) got jobs, degrees and several have even gotten married in the interim but looking round the table during the night out, everyone looked (and by and large was acting) exactly the same. Apart from slight changes in sartorial tastes (mostly for the better) nobody looked any different. Furthermore it was incredible how we all picked up pretty much as we left off. Apart from a tiny wee bit of awkwardness at the very start, it was as if we had only met up a few weeks ago, not ten years.

For some reason I found the latter aspect especially terribly reassuring. Friendships do last, even in this increasingly transient world (and I admit I am very guilty of upping sticks and moving to the other end of the country). The bonds forged by shared experience and life events last a decade at least, hopefully a lifetime.

Apart from making me incredibly nostalgic, the whole evening made me profoundly glad I had the opportunity to meet and get to know such a wonderful group of people. Not just get to know them but get to experience what we did together.

Hopefully it won't be as long as ten years before we all meet again. The reunion has certainly galvanised my resolve to keep in touch with more of the group and broken that awkward stalemate that can arise out of substantial gaps in communication.

For now, Sopa!

JR

Schooldays...

I saw a headline about children being taught Chinese in schools the other day and it made me think about my own school days. Originally I was going to write a post about my favourite subject but instead I'm going to have a trawl through my school life more generally and think about what advice I would have given myself if given access to a time machine.

As a bit of a background I went to a bloody good comprehensive school (this isn't going to be a rant of state v private schooling. In the main I am in favour of the concept of private education but it so happened that my school was on a par on all indicators with the surrounding mid-level private schools) and I think I had an experience that could be firmly classified as normal. I wasn't exceptionally gifted but nor was I struggling through. I wasn't the most popular person there but equally I was lucky enough to be surrounded by nice people: as it turns out more than I thought - during the prefect elections in my final year, people whom I thought barely registered me were telling me they voted for me. I was lucky enough to have some extremely good teachers along with some not so good ones. You get the drift. My school-days were unremarkable; like an episode of "The Inbetweeners" with fewer outrageous hi jinx and even less success with girls (believe it or not it is possible to be less successful with girls than they were).

Unsurprisingly, the character I identified most with in the Inbetweeners was Will (only less snobbish and without the briefcase or feacal incontinence). For some reason I have never liked either football or rugby (probably as a result of having a condition that affects my coordination meaning kicking, throwing or catching the ball was something of an event for me). This combined with the fact that I really couldn't make myself get excited about either just to fit in marked me out as "different" and meant that for a large part of my school days I was never quite one of the lads. It also brought out my innate eccentricity (when one feels one doesn't conform one feels no need to try which is extremely liberating) and allowed me to be myself and fairly independent from early on. During my later years at school especially, I think my general attitude of taking life on my own terms won me quite a bit of respect too. Before this gets too psycho-analytical, I wasn't that bad and certainly not a complete loner; I was just able to enjoy my own company as well as that of others. I think, like many others, I grew far more socially confident and diverse as soon as I hit university. Advice to self on the social front then? Probably to be less afraid of getting involved with people and a bit less stand-offish. Piss-taking isn't particularly meant personally and shouldn't be taken as such... and just chill out a bit. Oh and talk to XX (being generic issues for fanciable girls); pining and making doe-eyes at them in maths is all very well but they aren't going to know unless you tell them and you never know what might happen.

Now what of subjects. Generally I think I chose those fairly well. Certainly, I got good grades throughout and for the most part I enjoyed them. I knew from fairly early on that my biggest strength was learning then applying facts rather than playing with slightly nebulous concepts so that, combined with my aptitude and general interest made, science an obvious choice. Luckily I was at one of the schools in my local authority group that allowed students to study all three sciences. Maths and English were compulsory at standard grade level (roughly equivalent to GCSE) and that was probably a good thing. History was a good choice. I was, and still am, fascinated by events in the past (even if I don't entirely agree with the curriculum as it was laid out) and part of the course was a nuts and bolts guide to critical thinking which I have used and adapted ever since in a variety of contexts and has served me well.

Now on to the more controversial bits. In these days of post-Olympics hysteria it's probably an imprisonable offence to say that I hated P.E. at school but there you have it I loathed every second. It wasn't that I hated sport, I swam and rowed a lot in my spare time - not just the odd dip or splash I mean training for 6 hours plus in the water and four hours on the water, so I was certainly sporty I just didn't see the point in being forced into sports I had no interest in doing in the first place and no intention of continuing afterwards. If I had been allowed to pursue a training programme laid down by my rowing or swimming coach during P.E. time that might have been different, not to mention worthwhile, but as it was, I just felt my time was being wasted. And before you say all exercise is good exercise: there wasn't even that much exercise, it was more standing around getting cold followed by occasional bursts of gentle exertion. Even the swimming was excruciating as the curriculum only covered the very basics which any swimmer has a conditioned reflex and the pool was so overcrowded that one was barely able to take more than a stroke without bumping into someone else. I doubt my experience was unique, I'm not sure I've ever encountered someone who enjoyed P.E. as a subject although if you did, let me know.

Now on to my next gripes. I'm not sure if it was school, local authority or government policy that insisted all students must study a language and at least one "arty" subject at standard grade but whoever came up with it should feel ashamed. It was certainly arbitrary and pointless in my book. I opted to study German as my language on the rather flimsy logic that I hated french and my granny was German so I could justify the change. In truth, I don't think I ever spoke a word of German to my granny (she had been living in Scotland for at least forty years by the time I knew her) nor did I particularly enjoy learning it. In my opinion there are those that are linguistically orientated and those that aren't. If you are then you can pick up languages with relative ease and enjoy doing it. If you aren't then the whole process is an absolute chore. I am one of the latter. The only language that would have been subsequently useful to learn was one that wasn't taught (probably some inverted snobbery on the part of a labour education authority) and that was Latin. As a subsequent student of both biology and law, Latin would have been tremendously useful in remembering and gaining a greater understanding of both subjects. In biology, it would have given clues as to the structure and function of a vast array of things I encountered. In law, it would have made the pithy Latin epithets I had to learn parrot fashion more understandable and as a result more memorable.

Now on to the "arty" stuff. As you can probably guess, I'm not "arty" or "creative" or whatever other euphemism you want to use so being forced to do it grated a bit. I chose music on the basis that I already played (well tortured) two musical instruments to a reasonable degree so it would be the least painful of the lot. Was it a good choice? Given what was available to me, probably. But it was still a monumental drag and again, felt like an enormous waste of my time. Would I tell my schoolboy self to do it again? Maybe. As a now passionate cook, part of me wonders if it would have been fun to do home economics however what I experienced before I chose my subjects was not inspiring. Far from being a basic cookery course to equip people to be just about self-sufficient; it was instead a comprehensive guide to washing up with some sewing, a lot of irrelevant crap about design of packaging and nutritional values for foodstuffs and the occasional bit of cooking for good measure. Although I have used some of the recipes I learned then since (and with some success) I only learned two vital lessons. Firstly, that ingredients do genuinely matter. They don't have to be the most expensive going but they do have to be of reasonable quality. Secondly, that vegetarian food is vile. The "arty" subject I would have really liked to study (and would have gained some genuine benefit from) was drama - probably slightly influenced by the fact that my father was a drama teacher and was full of stories of the amazing things he got up to in class. Not only did the subject sound interesting, it was essentially a fairly comprehensive guide on presentation skills and how one's own actions influence and are interpreted by others. Think about it, presentations, public speaking, even presenting in a meeting or job interviews are all performances to a greater or lesser degree and gaining an understanding of performance allows one to understand audience reactions and how to manipulate your own behaviour to suit and get a favourable reaction. Sadly, despite repeated lobbying, my school didn't have a drama department so I missed out on that. My dad did manage to teach me the essence of the above skills but like many practical skills, learning the theory one on one is not quite a substitute for experience and practice. So on balance, me at fourteen, stick with music if you have to do something "arty" but try your luck and see if you could be allowed to do geography instead; it's much more interesting.

The last bit of advice for my standard grade self would be to consider doing something businessy (ideally in place of German if I wasn't allowed to do Latin) principally because otherwise you will leave University a die-hard scientist with no understanding of the corporate world. Perhaps having a basic understanding of how a business functions and the language, etc used would give you the confidence to launch yourself into a career rather that do a secondary professional qualification. It wouldn't be a magic bullet but it might be something.

Now on to my highers. Generally I think I made a pretty good call with those. Again, I did the three sciences and by and large enjoyed them (even if my Chemistry teacher was a bit of a dragon and physics was a bit mathsy). I have found all of them extremely useful since and not just in my degree or in pub quizzes. Studying science has given me the confidence to apply known quantities logically to problems allowing me to arrive at a conclusion. English as well I loved. It was a fantastic opportunity to interact with some wonderful literature and gain a greater understanding of the richness of the language. It also gave me a lot of confidence to interact with and use English as a language. Conversely - and probably counter-intuitively - it has given me a life-long aversion to Shakespear and a deep suspicion of poetry. I think my advice to my younger self would be to take it further as a subject: on to advanced higher at least. Equally, I would tell my younger self to drop maths like a red-hot ticking bomb. I hated every minute of it, I struggled and I was certainly not good at it. The maths I needed for other courses was more than adequately covered in the courses themselves so subjecting myself to a year of mind-numbing tedium seems a bit massochistic. I know maths is a "good" subject to do and is terribly worthy and all that but words really struggle to express how much I hated it.

My final bit of advice to my younger self would be to do all the extra curricular stuff I did. It was useful in more ways than I can list. I was lucky, not only was my headmaster a wonderful leader, he was also a pupil advocate (ok I invented that concept) by which I mean, he saw school as a service for pupils rather than a statistic on a league table or a vehicle to generate data for the local education authority. As such, as well as fostering academic excellence, he encouraged, supported, aided and abetted lots of extra-curricular activities which were a) fun and b) great for developing pupils as people. Not only that but he genuinely cared about the opinions of his pupils and did his best to incorporate what they wanted from the school into school life. I had the fortune of getting to know him quite well through the pupil council as well as volunteering at various school events and I always felt that he was interested in what we had to say and that no issue was too trivial to be considered at least.

While I'm doing gushing name checks it's also worth mentioning the learning support department. The vast majority of teachers at the school were excellent, most of the remainder were good to mediocre and there were only a few that were bad. Departments were the same (and this is feedback from other pupils I got while I was on the pupil council as well as my own opinion). However, I have special praise for the learning support department. As a student with a learning disability (albeit a minor one) they literally could not have done more to help both in terms of encouragement and in terms of practical help. They listened to my needs both as I saw them and as was described to an educational psychologist and accommodated them without fuss or ceremony.

So that's it, my school days in a nutshell. Were they the fabled best days of my life? No, not even close. I was glad to get out and move on to pastures new but they did set me up well for the pastures I was expecting and the ones that came as a surprise and for that I'm grateful.

JR