101

No not my personal room 101 choices for Orwellian torture (although those may come another day) but the non-emergency police telephone number. This morning was the first time I've called it and I have to say, I'm impressed.
True to purpose, my call was far from an emergency. The traffic lights at a major road junction had gone out. Although traffic was just about moving it was more than a little chaotic and a few sets of screeching tyres suggested an accident was not far off. It was also extremely dangerous to cross given there were six lanes of traffic to negotiate, all with cars taking their chances where they saw them. All it needed to restore order was a police officer to take control of the junction and restore order.

In years gone by, reporting this would be a problem. Not many people I know keep the local police station number saved in their phones (and in any case, this wasn't strictly local to me) and dialling 999 for a bit of traffic control seems a little extreme.

I called 101 and was connected pretty much immediately to the local constabulary (slightly scary how they knew that but let's overlook that bit for the time being). There was an option to change the force one was connected to but that's where the, "press one to..." routine ended. My call was answered quickly and by someone who spoke and understood (there is a difference) English fluently. Two minutes later, I had passed over all the relevant details, got a genuine sounding thanks from the lady at the end of my phone and was back one my way to work; job done. Beyond the usual complications of describing one's location to someone who isn't there and may not know the area, it really was that simple.

There have been many gimmicky ideas to do with emergency services over the last few years however this was unequivocally not one.

Slightly random post I know but hopefully it's raised awareness of the phone number if nothing else.

JR

Diamond Jubilee

Well, that was quite a show. Three days of pretty much non-stop celebration. Then again, the likelihood any of us will ever see something similar is slim to none.

What did you do?

In my case, Sunday was spent with friends. The original plan was to have a picnic in Wandsworth park (just up river from where the pagent started), watch the boats marshalling then watch the pagent proper on telly. We thought the BBC coverage would give us better views; not least of Pippa Middleton's bottom!

In the end, the weather wasn't playing nice so we went indoors for food as well. I was glad I saw some 'live'. I have grown up in, around and falling out of boats so it would have been a real shame to miss such a genuinely unique maratime spectacle.

What a spectacle it was too. People spent ages mouthing off about Canaletto but really, life was imitating art. The whole thing appeared to go off flawlessly. The only thing that disappointed me a bit was the BBC coverage. It was never really sure what it was doing. When it wasn't focussing on the Queen, it was showing pundits babbling banal crap or eliciting monosylabic responses from members of the public. All well and good but it would have been nice to see more of the boats. That was kind of the point after all. I don't think the coverage went behind the man-powered ones. It seems a shame to miss out on such a momentous event. Not only that, they missed out on the music boats. Why? They were all sounding fantastic as they warmed up. I am deeply disappointed not to have seen the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra's boat play the Bond theme as it passed the MI6 building (and the Sunseeker from the pre-credits sequence of The World Is Not Enough come to that). And there was a woeful lack of Pippa's bottom!

On the subject of the orchestra boat; well done to the Choir at the end. They were beyond soaked. I think they would have been drier going head-first into the Thames yet they continued regardless. A uniquely British twist I think.

The Queen and Prince Phillip stood the entire way from what I could see. An achievement in itsself for many people their age and worthy of respect. However, is it just me or should some form of weather protection have been built into the boat? It is likely that this event contributed to the infection which is currently detaining Prince Phillip in hospital.

Yesterday was the concert. I haven't had a chance to watch it yet. By all accounts it was quite a show. I did however manage to watch the fireworks from my girlfriend's balcony. They were rather good and had colours other than red, white and blue!

The final day of celebrations was today. It started with a service of commemoration. Yet again I didn't watch it although I have seen photos. All I'm going to say is that, by the looks of it, Rowan Williams could save the health service a fortune by acting as an anaesthetic. Half the congregation was asleep. To be fair to him, the younger royals looked like they had had a thoroughly good night the night before. Who can blame them?

One thing I did notice was that Catherine (Kate) was giving her sister a run for her money when walking up the steps to the cathedral! Am I allowed to compliment the Duchess' bottom or is that treason? Either way; after the service there was a procession back to the palace followed by a flypast by the RAF. Again, I didn't make it it into Central London. I did however see the flypast. The classic planes are beautiful. There's no other word for it. The engine sounds alone make my pulse go a few notches quicker. As for the Red Arrows; I defy anyone not to stand a few inches taller when they see them in action. One thing that amuses me is that they never break formation. One wonders if they even pee in a specific pattern!

The whole weekend was, undeniably, one hell of a show. I would argue that there's nowhere else in the world where one could see even a percentage of the spectacle that London saw this weekend. In a way, I'm a little disappointed I didn't get to see more of it in the flesh. The atmosphere would have been electric (if a bit damp). On the other hand, I woud have been crowded up amongst other randoms. Something that brings out the worst in me. A happy medium might have been to do it as a St. John duty however I could have been put somewhere miles away from the action. Not only that, I know I would concentrate on the duty rather than the event so it sort of negates the point.

Either way I watched history being made this weekend and I'm profoundly grateful I have done. Regardless of how you feel about the monarchy politically, this spectacle was incredible and one to be proud of.

Hope you enjoyed it too.

JR

Brain Teaser

I was filling out a job application yesterday. One of the questions asked me to name somebody I admired and state why. I had quite a job narrowing it down (Ian Fleming if you're interested) but it did make me think about people I admired. It also reminded me of a semi-sober conversation I had at uni. The essential question was; which ten people, dead or alive, would you invite to a dinner party?

I can't remember exactly who I chose but I'm willing to bet it wouldn't have been too different from who I would choose now. Here goes:

1) Churchill. Great leader, great politician and by all accounts excellent company. In short, a no-brainer.

2) Baroness Thatcher. Again, even if you don't like her policies, her leadership style must be admired. Plus, she's a scientist turned lawyer. Guaranteed interesting conversation.

3) Boris. Coz he's Boris. Does one need a better reason than that? He seems intelligent, witty, charming, funny and extremely eccentric.

4) Jeremy Clarkson. One of the last practitioners of free speech in the UK. He is sharp, funny and provides entertainment to millions. Even if you don't like what he says, odds are you'll love to hate him.

5) Ian Hyslop. I think he is the jewel in the crown of Have I Got News For You. He's sharp, clever and unfalteringly funny. Even Merton can't boast that all the time in my opinion. Plus, I think it would be rather amusing to watch him, Clarkson and Boris winding each other up.

6) Billy Connolly. One of the funnies beards/men ever to live. He seems to. exude wit and warmth perpetually. As well as being funny, he's deeply thoughtful. And who wouldn't want a man with a purple beard at the dinner table?

7) Ian Flemming. His pen created James Bond, "the spy story to end all spy stories" and arguably a genre in itsself. I would dearly love to meet him and where better than a hopefully sophisticated surrounding with plenty to drink.

8) Heston Blumental. I love food and I love cooking. With most chefs, I can understand the ideas behind their dishes and possibly have a stab at some sort of facsimile of them. Blumental's food bends my mind. It would be incredible to meet him, if only to ask where he starts when developing an idea.

9) Gen Sir Peter de la Billiere. General de la Billiere was tri-service commander on the ground during the first gulf war. He was commanding officer of the SAS during the Iranian Embassy seige. He has been involved in most major conflicts since Korea, almost always in a hands on manner. It would be incredible to hear his stories. And hopefully his presence along with Churchill and Flemming would cause the party to degenerate into a mess-style party.

10) Finally there is a tie between Oscar Wilde and Sir John Mortimer QC. Both writers. Both known for a quick turn of phrase. Both known to lap up decadence with ease. I'm genuinely not sure how to choose between them. Perhaps I won't then just "miscount" the place settings.

For the meal? I'm not sure. Nothing too technical and complex... I would want to concentrate on the company not the food. Also, I'm feeding one of the greatest chefs on the planet. Better to play safe and do it well rather than trying to over complicate everything and muck it up. Will have to ensure plenty drink and ash trays though!

JR

The Other Guys

This post is part plug, part genuine enthusiasm and wholly seasoned with large amounts of nostalgia. The title relates to an all-male a cappella band made up of St. Andrews University students. I must admit, during my time there I hadn't really heard of them. I was vaguely aware of one of the other bands through a mutual friend but I thought that's where it ended. How wrong I was.

The Other Guys gained prominence last year when they released a song coupled with a video about the Royal Wedding where the gentlemen of the group sang about their undying love for Kate Middleton (well who wouldn't?) to the tune of Lady Gaga... while dancing. Much as it sounds like a musical car crash, it was extremely funny as the subsequent stratospheric viewing figures showed.

This year, they have released another song, this time to raise money for breast cancer care. This time it's on a theme close to the hearts of most men in St. Andrews... St. Andrews Girls. The breed of beautiful girls that seem to inhabit the town sporting Ugg/Hunter boots, Barbour jackets and pashminas galore. Who said Sloane Street doesn't extend to Scotland?

An article in the Telegraph around the time of the Royal Wedding last year had a similar description of St. Andrews girls and gained much criticism for being patronising, chauvinistic and generally unpleasant. However this, in my opinion, was misplaced. The description is an affectionate one meant as a gentle parody of the inevitable informal dress codes and traditions that evolve in such an institution. Obviously, not everybody conforms but it's still fun to play with. To the people that complain that it portrays the females who attend St. Andrews as airheads, I would like to point out the continued academic excellence of St. Andrews, coupled to the fact that the majority of the students are girls.

All this is a slight digression from what is essentially a funny and charming video. Buy it, even if you don't like it; the money goes to a good cause.

JR

Fountain Pens MK II

There have been a number of articles in the press lately about fountain pens; mainly people singing their praises. It all started with a letter to the Telegraph (where else?) asking if anyone still used them. This prompted a number of rousing testimonials in their favour in the pages of the same newspaper. Further research by a bored journalist or two suggest that sales are increasing year on year as people buy pens both as presents and as small luxury items.

Reading all this makes me feel like something of a trend setter; not something I'm entirely comfortable with given I'm a dedicated Telegraph reader (we don't really do change). As I have mentioned, I have written with a fountain pen since I was about 12 and have no intention of changing any time soon.

I have however bought a couple of new pens. Neither are anything ground-breaking but both were reasonably priced which means I am happy to take them into the office and let them suffer the abuse that is office life. My current pen picked up a small dent from either being in my pocket or my bag causing the thread to slightly loosen on the barrel. Net result; there's cosmetic damage and it can disassemble in my pocket. The first was genuinely heartbreaking since I've had that pen for over ten years and used it in all my major exams and for all important correspondence. The latter is unfortunate because it has lead to ink stains on some brand new shirts (thank you Prof. Google for providing instructions oh how to remove them). The new pens were bought  because I didn't want to sacrifice the pleasure of writing with a decent pen day-to-day but equally, I don't want to risk damaging something which I genuinely treasure.

I was chatting to my dad about these articles as he is also a devotee of fountain pens. In fact, it's fair to say that my love of them is probably received wisdom. We have decided to get my nephew (well my cousin's sprog but it's the closest I'm going to get) a decent pen for his birthday, spurred by the fact that the headmaster of his school was quoted in one of the articles as insisting pupils wrote with a fountain pen in their formative years to try and break them into good habits. Although dad and I both write with Cross pens on a day-to-day basis and have a fondness for classic Parkers (not to mention an almost romantic love of Mont Blanc) we are erring on the side of the Lamy that has been specifically designed for kids. I had a Lamy years ago and, from what I can remember, it was a nice pen to write with. Added to that, it's designed to be fairly robust and kidproof, had a grip designed to encourage a child's hand into the proper handwriting position and has a tab in the clip where names can be written... vital! Oh and it can take a converter so it can be filled from a bottle. I don't think my cousin (or her immaculate white sofas) will thank me if I encourage this but I'm not sure I can resist!

JR

Friendship

Today's post was going to be a rant about cyclists but frankly, bugger that. I'm feeling too positive.

I've had the pleasure of catching up with two genuinely good friends today. One was a swift phone call. The kind we all mean to make all the time. For no specific reason I did and I'm glad I did - for no other reason than it was good to catch up with them. I first met them almost 8 years ago when we worked together in a residential kids camp. We clicked immediately. The rest, as they say, is history.

The other friend again, I have known for at least eight years. We were at uni together and part of the same club. We always got on well then got really close in our final two years (although it transpired that we had grown up in vaguely similar social circles... Certainly we would have attended many of the same events as kids). Anyway, she was one of the few people I actively kept in touch with after I graduated (no offence, I just freely admit that I'm awful at stating in touch with people). Rather randomly, she moved down south not long after I did then eventually to London. Although we meet up virtually every week, this is the first time in a long time we've had a serious conversation rather than the usual every day stuff. Part of the conversation revolved around how much we had changed since we first met and reflecting that being a grownup was actually quite fun.

Anyway, enough sentimental rambling for now.

JR

Magazines

It's been a while since I last wrote anything. Sorry about that. Lots of stuff has been going on; I've just been too busy or too tired to write about it. I will do my best to fill in the gaps soon. In the meantime here's an observation to keep you going.

Today I have found myself in the unusual position of being without my kindle or my book. Normally I would usually be armed with a newspaper or two as well but today I am really just not in the mood. Enough serious stuff has been happening; I don't really want to read about more. And I'm not awake enough to make a successful go of the crossword. Anyway, to avoid boredom on some tedious travelling I have to do before I finish work, I thought I would get a magazine. Something suitably easy-going to distract me without overtaxing me. Easier said than done!

Let's start with the so-called men's interest section. I can confidently say I'm a man and I have a diverse range of interests. None of which are covered by the men's interest section. Let's start with the technology magazines. I'm not against technology per se but there has to be a point to it. "Technology" for the sake of it is profoundly pointless. New is not a synonym for better; different is not a synonym of improved and anyone who parades their phone etc as a status symbol rather than a tool gains a lot of pity from me. As you can imagine, the cry, "I've got an app for that" reliably makes my heart sinks. There seem to be a lot of solutions awaiting problems (and a lot of iphones/pads/pods that own people as an acquaintance rather shrewdly remarked). It is also worth noting that just because said technology is being waved around by a pretty girl in her bra and knickers doesn't make it interesting or desirable. Don't get me wrong, I like seeing pretty girls in their bras and knickers (and ideally less) I just prefer it when they're in my bedroom and I can do something about it. Having them on the pages of a magazine just seens a bit futile unless you enjoy getting dirty looks from old ladies on the train... I don't.

Next up would be the exercise magazines featuring improbably muscly men as well as pretty girls in bras and knickers. Most of the claim to be able to get one sculpted and muscly overnight with technical sounding routines. Sorry chaps (and chapesses). My biology background tells me exercise is a fairly simple science. Ask your body to do a little bit more than it's used to doing and it will adapt. Continue to do so and it will continue to adapt. The trick is not going over the top with enthusiasm when you start. That's pretty much all there is to it. If you want to get stronger, lift progressively heavier weights. If you want greater stamina, run/bike/swim/hop progressively further/faster. There are variations on the theme but there's really no substitute for hard work and time. (And if anyone get's fit off this advice, I will happily take a few quid in payment for my training plan). Another limp to these magazines is their encouragement to get men thinking about their own health. In principal I'm in favour of this as men often suffer disproportionately from ailments due to their refusal to seek help. Unfortunately, in a misguided attempt to sound, "blokey" the articles all come across as horrendously condescending and imply that us chaps are a bunch of useless oafs.

The men's "lifestyle" magazines on the surface don't seem to be too bad. They offer a range of interesting articles on a range of topics from sex to suits. So far so good but I do object on principle to paying the guts of a fiver for something that's essentially a third advertising. Furthermore they too are blighted by pretty girls in bras and knickers. Again I like seeing them, but there is a time and a place.

At this point you're probably thinking that the Chap magazine sounds about right for me (especially if you have read previous posts about my love of tweed, fountain pens and general Woodhousian eccentricity) and you'd be right. Trouble is, I've already read it this month.

So let's continue our voyage round the newsagent's. Ordinarily a current affairs magazine should hit the spot nicely. The Week is a good overview, Private Eye has brilliant cartoons and (although I disagree with a lot of what they say) fantastic satire and The Spectator is generally an enjoyable read. However as previously stated, I fancied something a bit light and distracting; something which none of those are. Naturally this ruled out the heavier publications such as The Economist as well.

I did think about indulging my inner nerd and buying New Scientists. However, although I am a general lover of science and the idea of science, the type of stuff that gets me really fascinated can be reasonably narrowly defined and unfortunately none of these featured in this edition.

I could have gone for a car mag but they tend to be a bit full-on even for me. Although, if I won the lottery, I have a long list of cars I would love; I can't get excited about being bogged down in the mundane detials when they are printed. Even Top Gear (a show I love) can't quite make the transition on to the page.

That leaves the specialist interest magazines (hobbies not esoteric porn... Filthy buggers). A lot of these look genuinely interesting. Many of them cover subjects of genuine interest to me or talk about objects of great beauty. However none are on topics that interest me sufficiently to allow me to read an entire magazine on them. Plus I almost certainly don't have the requisite prior knowledge.

Where does that leave me? Well it leaves me bored and grumbling into my blog while on the train. I hope it has at least provided you with some amusement. I will send a fuller account of my exploits soon.

JR